Tuesday, September 22, 2015
"Stuck Like Chuck"
The third effort is simply a topic that keeps showing to me how backwards my biblical understanding of women is. On one hand I marvel at God's ultimate creation while on the other hand I have had to confront my insecurities, misunderstandings, and cultural norms that actually demean, castigate, & subjugate, the women in my own life, in particularly my wife and daughters. How we are taught to appreciate women is bombastic, superficial, and in many instances artificial. I did not escape the platitudes often bandied about concerning women. The fact is we are clueless as to God's purpose much of the time concerning our role and the role of women.
For over one year now, I have been stuck wondering why my spirit was not wanting to get the book to print. I felt and still feel like God was putting the brakes on this project. I have had some amazing revelation about the "Crown Jewel of Creation" but have failed in my own life to apply them.
I was watching the four disc presentation "EZER KENEGDO" by Skip Moen. I was in step with everything he was communicating. These are the things God was showing to me. It was like I was watching what God poured into me via a visual presentation aka Skip Moen. The very reason I wanted to write my book, Skip Moen was articulating. However, when watching the third disc, the reason that I was stuck became crystal clear! I have an issue with forgiveness and I don't think it has to do with my wife but rather, with me!
Now for the quandary: (some of you will get this) Can you imagine finding out that how you have always thought about women is wrong, dead wrong according to why God created women and then realizing, based on "wrong" you struggle forgiving? I could not put my finger on the problem until really about two weeks ago. Even though, in my mind I am miles down the road from some of the difficulties, mistakes, and failures that happen in marriages, my lack of forgiveness is also miles down that road with me. (I did not fully realize this issue was embedded in our marriage or perhaps I was not willing to accept it!)
My mind is now racing to figure out what psychological issue, childhood trauma, or regressed memory (if not all three) is blocking me from letting go. I simply do not have the answer but I do know that I have to resolve this before I can even think about publishing a book about women.
So there you have it........In open honesty I have some growing to do; get rid of some, "Junk in the trunk" if you will. More importantly how has this garbage in my spirit adversely affected the women in my life. This to me is more important than putting out another book. I think YHWH was exposing my problem when he showed to me his daughters and what they mean to him. I have said this before, I feel sorry for the idiot who stands before God complaining about women." Perhaps, I need to make sure that person is not me. I grew up without a father, perhaps I need to start there.
The answer will most likely be in the lies that I too, have inherited when it comes to, The Crown Jewel of Creation. This all began when my friend, James Porter sent to me a book called "The Garden of Peace three years ago. For three years now I have been on the periphery of all that Abba, Father is digging out of my core.....
Geesh, Father, God, do we men ever get it?
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