Sunday, February 10, 2013

A RESPONSE FROM MY SISTER


http://jeffmorton.blogspot.com/2013/02/loving-our-wives-having-peace-in-garden.html

My Sister Desiree, (Desi to all of us) wanted to post this in the comment section but was having trouble so she asked me to post the following. Please pray for her as she hopes to come to Tacoma, WA with my niece to attend the Pesach (Passover)Seder this year at the Tacoma Convention center. Click Here for details
(My Sister lives in Rochester, NY)

  


Kudos! To the men who participated and are continuing to participate in this group. May you all become the 'Servant Leaders' of your homes quickly! We 'Daughters' are tired. VERY TIRED. Here are some thoughts...





From A "Daughter's" Perspective.
These are just REAL thoughts being expressed. They, in and of themselves, do not negate our choices as women and the consequences of them.
Sharing in dialogue with my unsaved and saved Godly married women, single parenting moms as well as single women friends. MOST, if not all have shared this one reverberating, common thought. Although said in a myriad of ways it conveys the same message over and over again. 
"I'm TIRED, so very TIRED of being responsible for making and carrying the bulk of the decision making, giving of direction, discipline and purpose to the child/children and/or home. WHY oh WHY won't these men simply step up to the plate and retake their rightful place? I just want to take a break from it all!" 
Often my sadness turns to total exasperation!

During the session, it was stated some women do arise and make our stand to overcome in many ways. However, I want to bring some perspective to that statement. Because we 'Daughters' have had the lack, inconsistent, loss or none at all, of love, direction and covering from men, we, are still broken, down trodden and weakened. Even those of us who walk with God and love Yeshua, we yet still have struggles and desire ever so strongly to see our men in their rightful place. Now, hear me clearly here, when a 'good man' does come along we don't recognize him. He is foreign to us. So as you men grow and see the fruit of that growth in your lives and homes, we will still be in a struggle in our efforts to get repositioned in our rightful place in order to partner up with such men. You will scare us. Even confuse us as you change. Here is the key to regaining our trust. CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY!!!!  EVEN as some of us have attained a strong and viable relationship with the Father, His Son and Ruach Hakodesh, many of us simply do not TRUST men in any capacity to care for us. NOT EVEN A GODLY MAN if we see a pattern of INCONSISTENCY!

In keeping it real, let me relate just one example from my own experience. What I hope to bring to focus is not the outward circumstances, but the concepts of which I touch on in this dialogue.
Recently, I was sued by my ex for $900.00. Why? Because after raising our daughter for 15-16 yrs. I asked him to keep her for one portion of the year as I was in transition of buying my current home. He informed me that he wanted to retain the current child support payments for the duration. No problem I said. That only made sense. I advised him how to go about having the payments temporarily stopped, so he would then retain the funds for the duration of her stay. I had done the research of what needed to be done to that affect and passed it on to him. Pause: Please pay particular attention to what was just stated "I did the work"
He was going to take on the care of our child. He wanted the payments to cease for the duration. Yet, I was the one who did the research, conveyed it to him and made it known that I was in complete agreement with the whole scenario. It was only right.  What's out of order here? We're working together on this, right? -- Wrong---. The 'Daughter' is taking all the steps necessary to make this a smooth transition. He is just waiting for it to happen. After weeks of our child being there, in his care, NO ACTION was taken and the payments kept coming to me. No further discussion took place. He never addressed it again. OK, so I in turn made the executive decision, (as I am forced to do so often). I take the monies, buy our child, clothes, boots, food, washing detergent, etc, etc. I would personally deliver these to his home. I made sure she had money to spend, after all, that is what 'child support' is right. Make sure the child is supported. All this was done while in the care of her father at his house.

One day, sometime later, after we are now in our own home (my daughter and I) We have a huge argument. Reaching out to her father of course, I asked if he could come and take her and help mediate. He came, he took our daughter until the matter cooled down. He exhibited some strange behaviors, (which our daughter saw and questioned) but I didn't think much about it at first. Then it became weird. OK, moving forward, about 5 days later, my daughter comes home, WE talked, apologize, and moved on. I thanked him for his help and that was that. Or so I thought.......
About a month or so goes by and I get a summons in the mail. He is suing me for the child support payments! In the court document, my character is completely destroyed! I trusted him to help, do what was needed for the child support payments. Ultimately,  I made a decision, (because he had not) to manage the funds as I saw best to support our child, only to then be sued! 
This is but one example of how I was forced into a role that was not mine and subsequently mistreated for walking in that role. Ultimately, I along with our daughter walked away bewildered, battered, beaten up and torn? His daughter, who is not a little kid these days also saw the failure of her father, the example of this man....These things are etched into her mind, into her future.

OK, so why did I share all this detail? Not to make anyone go, Ugh, what a horrible guy! No, that is so not the point here. 
In summary, this sadly is how most women see men. Far too many men, fathers, husbands force us into roles we shouldn't own. Then we get torn down for being there performing your role. 
We live your inconsistencies, suffer through your failures, and forget about your strengths DAILY! 
So we have learned to ALWAYS have a plan B. Then, just when we think we've figured out how to balance all this stuff and LOVE you at the same time, you walk out of our lives because, we don't understand you! You cannot handle all the chaos! As you guys so eloquently put it during this session, the very chaos that's been created because you have not "CONSISTENTLY", with integrity, and honesty, walked in your role.
This is truly how the conversations go amongst the Daughters Both saved and unsaved. Had this man stepped up to the plate, done what was needed in the beginning, a Daughter would have been righteously served, not judiciously served with a summons, had her character assassinated, and our daughter would have been covered as she moves into the next generation of Daughters.
How did this all end. He never showed up for the court date! 

What have you not shown up for men, for the wives, fiance's, girlfriends, daughters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, cousins and sisters in you life? We are counting on you to show up for your prayer times with the Father. We've been doing it out of desperation for YEARS. When we give up, we have no other foundation to rely on because you have not secured one for us, our children, our homes. Get there! 

We need you so desperately to stand in the gap! Cover us with your prayers, kind words, encouragement and your arms. We are asking the Father to help you get it right, so we too, can get repositioned. Women's rights and equality have in many regards thrown us out of our rightful roles, too. 
We are not looking for perfection, simply "Pure-affection". Honesty, Integrity and Consistency.  
Shalom
Desiree Morton
Rochester, NY 

2 comments:

dr.rhouck said...

This is a very good example, lesson and a real wake up call for us all. Thank you for taking the time and sharing from your heart.
Abba, please help us, Your sons to become the honest honorable Sons of the most High God and to learn to be the husbands, dads and friends Your daughters need us to be. Shalom, Pappy

Gina Morton said...

WOW, FABULOUS! YOU SHOULD WRITE A BOOK!