In august of last year I was informed that I have two hernias in my lower extremities and that a very specific surgery is required. Okay, "git r done!" I was placed on a waiting list (Veterans Hospital) You vets know what I am talking about! Anyway, in September, 2011 I was shaving and found a lump in my throat. The lump was about the size of a pecan just the right side of my adam's apple. Instantly, I knew this was a much bigger problem [A Holy Spirit moment for sure]
In January I was informed that I had stage four cancer in a particular lymph node. I was told that surgery was necessary in order to save my life. Okay, "git r done" The surgery was on January 19th and lasted for 81/2 hours with several doctors trying to find the cancer source. I woke up to find out that they did not find the source but were hopeful the pathologist would based on 150 lymph nodes, a section of my jugular on the right side now removed. The tumor, now the size of a walnut was twisted in and around my jugular. The surgery was successful and they found the source a few days later...I went from stage four "Interior basil cell carcinoma" to cancer free inside of one week. Many, many folks rallied around me during this time. In particular, a friend who allowed me to recover in her home. Abba put a person who was extraordinary in helping me through a very difficult time. I admittedly, did not know what Abba was doing but realize now that I was making a few mistakes during this time.
During all of this experience and for the last few years the thing that was my personal nightmare was the loss of my family. How does one close the chapter of ones family? I have four grown children and a mess of failure where their lives are concerned. It has been my personal cry that Abba take this pain from me.
I began to read the book, The Garden of Peace by Rabbi Arush Shalom [Thanks James, this was appointed that you give to me this book]. I was surprised at how much emotion began to surface. I could not keep from falling apart with each page, each chapter. Well I finished the book recently. It took forever to read. What happened through this book is that I had to confront my feelings concerning my former wife and the mistakes that we made. I began to realize that my love for her was not gone and that my heart for her was shut down but not destroyed. I did not know what to do or how to feel. The cancer issue was a great deal more emotional than I was admitting. I actually am still in recovery. So, I have been sorting through a great deal of emotion.
About three weeks ago my former wife called and asked, "I made a mistake huh?" My response was, we both did. She said, "I want what you have[?]" She was referring to my joy in spirit. She said, YOU have gone through hell and yet you have this joy, this peace...I want to know what that is. Well, here I am involved with another budding relationship, recovering from cancer, and reading a book that is blowing my mind. What am I supposed to do? I truly did not have a clue what to do. I began to pray. The enemy began to do his thing as well. During a very agonizing week and come Friday, I knew what I had to do. I moved, knowing I would be homeless. I also decided to keep an engagement to New Mexico, leaving on that Sunday. I returned, homeless! I have had many offers to come live on a couch or sofa. I have been doing this for nearly 2 1/2 years. With the exception of a beautiful cabin by the sea for 14 months [Thanks Dave & Teresa]
Abba made it clear to me during my time in New Mexico.....I am restoring your family too!
I have a job that I love, very little resources and a new future with the mother of my children. We are nearly three hours apart but working to change this. We need your prayers.
To those of you who have contributed to the fund to help me get a home let me tell you, wow! I received a $500.00 contribution [Thank you New Mexico] and several others. Most has come from Facebook certainly from friends. This is all accruing in an account
Why am I writing all of this to you guys?
I spoke with a couple in Vancouver, Washington this last weekend doing what I do..Challenging how we Christians have been taught the Bible. The couple was very surprised with all that I shared from God's word. The husband, a former elder, [he may have also been a pastor I think he said] admitted "I have always held Israel in high esteem, YOU are showing to me why!" I watched his faith in the God of Israel resurface and I watched his wife nearly come to tears.
I went to Vancouver, Washington to ask my former wife, "What do you want to do after 26 years?" She responded, "I want my husband back!" She took out the ring that I had purchased for her several years ago and placed it back onto her finger. She divorced me in August, 2010. I actually, after reading the Garden of Peace...don't blame her anymore.
The couple was renewed to a fresh understanding of God's word and so too was my family. This is what you guys are helping me to do.....It was never about a home alone, but rather the ability to come through the cancer, realize why God spared me from a stage 4 misery, no radiation or Chemo, revealed to me where my heart truly was concerning the mother of my kids and is now helping me to rent a home [apartment] This has been an amazing year so far.
As I mentioned above, I have lived in the lives of several folks and there families for nearly 2 1/2 years. I am praying that Abba allow me to rent my own place so that I can continue doing what I do with a certain stability. The funds that you have offered are in an account accumulating. Thank you! I also am grateful to Rabbi Shalom Arush for helping me to see how bad we men have been taught to treat our wives [that has very little to do with why God created women]
Moving forward, I have a question: How do you get re-married to the same wife?
PS, If I have hurt you or offended you I assure you it was not intentional.....I am learning as much as I am doing. In fact the more I learn the more I realize just how much I do not know. One thing is certain...our King is coming, get your house in order! To my Christian brothers and sisters please, CHALLENGE how you have been taught about our Jewish brethren and Israel.
I ask Abba how to do this everyday. The one constant is this: Christianity is very emotional about what we have been taught. Abba continues to raise an alarm in my spirit that is not emotional but rather, urgent. get your house in order, challenge how you have been taught and make way for Mochiach, it will be a very, very dreadful day for those who do not keep TORAH.
1 Thessalonians 5:3 For when they are saying, "Peace and safety," then sudden destruction will come on them, like birth pains on a pregnant woman; and they will in no way escape.
Return to Torah and take the Gospel with you. We really do not have much time!
But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers in their treachery that they committed against me, and also in walking contrary to me, so that I walked contrary to them and brought them into the land of their enemies—if then their uncircumcised heart is humbled and they make amends for their iniquity, then I will remember my covenant with Jacob, and I will remember my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land.